The Stuff in the Middle

I’m still leaning into the less is more motto and it’s hard af, let me tell you. I am a go go go energy type and I am driven. I see what I want so damn clearly and I can go until I can’t see straight. This works, until it doesn’t. You know there’s a problem when you can’t sit and relax without your muscles twitching to rise to go do something or reach for something - choose your vice or device. This was me and still is me on some days. I am making slow progress learning to let go of the reins and lean back and wait. I hate waiting. I can be so patient about so many things, like literally forgetting about them until the next time the subject comes up but when it comes to my dreams…my patience is my weakness. So much of what I do requires trust. I have to trust that the seeds I’ve planted are taking root and are in fact growing. Faith and trust, trust and faith are two of the worst words you can say to someone who used to skip to the end of the book because the anticipation was too stressful. 

I had to train myself to wait and read the book all the way through. I had to step back sometimes and put the book down if it felt too intense and I didn’t trust how it was all going to work out. Then I’d pick the book up again, committed to letting it unfold, trusting that the author knew what they were doing. With our goals, we could apply the same analogy, except we’re simultaneously the designer/author of our goals AND the observer/reader of them as they unfold.  I admit I was addicted to readings, astrology, and mediums. I wanted them to confirm I was on the right path and that I wasn’t wasting my time. I wanted to know for SURE it was all going to work out as planned. Now, where is the fun in that? 

If we really knew what was going to happen next in the book, would we keep reading with the same passion as before or would we approach each chapter with nonchalance because, well, we already know how it’s all going to end right? With my dreams, would I work so hard for them if I knew how it would end? Would I push my creative limits and hone my problem-solving skills if I knew what to expect? Would I be filled with the same pride and that sweet sense of accomplishment when something is finished if I had proof already it was going to happen? 

Listen, this is an idea that started spinning in my head, maybe it’s landing or maybe I’m close enough to the mark for you to get what I’m trying to express. My determination to know how it all will end will rob me of living in the precious in between. That’s it. The in between is where the memories of hard work, resilience, problem solving, creating and creating some more all happen. The stuff in between is where you get to surprise yourself with your strength and resilience. When I was an actor, the most memorable and rewarding part of the play process were the weeks of rehearsal prior, not the completed show itself. I had forgotten that joy and appreciation for the stuff in the middle and thank Goddess I’m seeing my way back to it. I know, some people, doing it all for the end result is what it’s about for them…and that’s cool too. But this is for those of us that do it for the love of the stuff in the middle. May we remember to enjoy, celebrate, acknowledge and appreciate all the thousands of moments on the way to “The End”.