Confrontation vs. Conversation

Are we having a confrontation or a conversation?

Are you here to argue or discuss?

Fight or connect?

Decide, because it will make all the difference in the outcome. 

So many of us want to connect and to feel seen and heard but we just don’t know-how. Maybe we only saw it one way growing up with a lot of aggression, yelling, and anger. Or maybe the house you grew up in no one talked about how they felt so you just learned to hold it in. One of the most important things I’ve learned when I’m trying to communicate that I’ve been hurt or frustrated by others is to decide what my intentions are and what my goal is. There is nothing wrong with having a confrontation. It’s absolutely necessary sometimes, certain situations may call for that kind of forceful, catabolic energy in order to get your point across. I just believe too many of us have to come to see it as the ONLY way to get our point across. We get angry or frustrated and we go into action immediately. Anger and frustration are catabolic energy if we’re using it in the sense of the Energy Leadership Index I coach with. 

Quick review – catabolic energy is constricting and aggressive whereas anabolic energy is lighter and expanding. When we’re angry we’re in a catabolic low energy state that limits our ability to stay solution-focused. In a sense it creates tunnel vision – we can only see the problem or the pain. If I’m coming to confront you, I’m coming to shut you down. I’m not waiting for a response either, nope, I will verbally assassinate you and keep it moving. If I come at you with confrontational energy, chances are you will shut down and be shut off from receiving anything I say. Your body tenses and as you listen you’re probably preparing for your response. By the time I’m done going off on you I may feel momentarily better but you’ll most likely have missed the importance of what I wanted to convey in the first place. All you’re probably thinking of now is what you’re going to say back to defend yourself and we end up going back and forth, defending, arguing, clashing but not any closer to solving the problem.

Anabolic energy will leave us with a more open mind and access to our problem-solving skills. If I come to you ready to have a conversation, it implies I want a dialogue. I am here to not only be heard but to listen as well. How do we get to this level of energy though, when we’ve been hurt? Breath. Breath is literally a gift to give ourselves when we’re hurting. Take a breath, acknowledge your own feelings and then think about how you want to share your pain. It may take you a little time to cool down but it may make the difference in the outcome you’re seeking. 

Does my intention shifting to a more anabolic energy state guarantee you will receive my message as I intended? Not necessarily. We never know for sure how someone will receive the message we’re delivering, but that doesn’t mean we run from sharing it. We do it anyway and we make sure we’re clear on our end about the energy we’re bringing. By taking a breath before we react, we give ourselves a chance to decide how we want to respond. When we can respond versus react we have a greater chance of getting our point across. Add in your intuitive listening skills and you’re about to engage in some meaningful conversation. 

Want to learn more about the advantages of learning to use intuitive listening well and knowing how to manage catabolic and anabolic energy? January 1st my Leadership Essentials Workshop drops and it will give you the same practical life philosophy and leadership skills that have helped me and so many of my private clients. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to make sure you’re not missing out on my latest workshop and course creations.