Learning To Walk by Myself // Guest Goddess

I am from a state that is the homelands of the Diné, Ute, Apache, and Pueblo people. It took me a long time to understand what a unique upbringing someone experiences in present day New Mexico. It is a vortex of languages, cultures, unique foods, sunsets, and stories. My story began on Diné bíkéya (the people’s land) in Shímά (mother’s) womb. The land recognized my first steps as it holds the memory of our grateful ancestors. And it is the land that reminds me of my wisdom and gives medicine to heal our mind and body. Here, everything is a prayer.

My entrance into womanhood was met with a rigorous rite of passage ceremony known to the Diné as a kinaaldá. Though I’ve never been asked to describe it, my experience was a vivid existence, found when I fully engaged in the moment with all my mind, body, breath and beingness. It felt warm, rusty scarlet and pale green. I spent four days surrounded by mothers whose voices circulated through and within me.

The purpose of a kinaaldá is to honor Asdzáá Nádłeehé (Changing Woman), a prominent female deity and the Diyin Diné’é (Holy People). Changing Woman represents the ideals of Navajo women. She embodies beauty, strength, generosity, and compassion. As a matriarchal society, we believe a kinaaldá is the most significant, life-changing event in a Navajo girl’s life. It is more than a four-day ceremony because as girls we are taught from birth our role as a woman and this teaching continues throughout life. At birth we are acknowledged by the Diyin Diné’é. As babies, our parents welcome us into the family and as we grow older, we begin to learn and practice the Navajo way of life.

Before my kinaaldá I walked through life unknowing of the power, force, and pain that Navajo women hold. I did not learn this in four days but in the years following. I had to bleed the same blood, cry the same tears, carry the same pain, and say, “shíkά’anílyeed” (help me) when my legs felt too heavy to move. The women in my life pushed me, one foot in front of the other as they had already walked through all that I have been fearful of. Today, they remind me how to walk by myself, but never alone, especially as a new mother to be.

Note to self: Writing this blog post has reminded me that there is so much strength and resilience required from every Diné asdzáán (woman) who is determined to contribute her perspective and share her vision. That self-determination is required to stay true to the integrity of your creations in a world that does not protect or account for you. Most importantly, honoring your natural rhythms without compromising independence, authenticity, or power is an accomplishment in its own right. 

Entry by: Talise Aspaas Montoya